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Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit....

That's so true.  Way to go, me, for managing a 99% in Physics throughout the year then getting a D+ on the final.  But as much as I can't stand people who bitch about finals being too hard, teachers grading too tough, etc, I don't think this one was my fault.  If I'm getting anxiety attacks while trying to do the review packet and during the actual freaking test, I don't know how I'm supposed to focus, let alone get a good grade.  I'm just really freaking happy I kept my A.  Mr. Mshar was probably like "WTF...?" when he entered my grade (might have even cross-checked mine with Garrett Turro's) but whatever.  He's a problem solver; he can ponder over that little curveball for a while.

Huh.  Seems like I only journal when I'm pissed/stressed/angry.  Guess I know what my coping skills are...?  At least it's better than staying up until midnight to do crunches, then going to the gym the next day and running for a hard 21/2 miles.  But that fucking ice cream doesn't help at all.  I don't know why I can't stay away from it... it's like a drug, I swear.  And I am addicted to some shit, so I know what it feels like.  It's like, take my pills, grab some ice cream... I don't know if it's me or the anorexia talking, but it feels like I gain 5 pounds every time I eat some. 

But I know I'm alright.
I do miss Damon, though... I wonder if he misses me...?

After finals, Colleen and I are going to sit down and talk things out.  We both have noticed the sudden, giant gap where the other used to be (I swear it's still like a damn branding iron), but neither of us will bring it up.  I don't know what she's told Jenny and Emily, or if she even remembers what she said to me.  I hope this all turns out okay.

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November 2010
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